wonderful

i don't know why but when i see someone who i think is really interesting or just someone i know i would probably get along with i get to nervous to even try to talk to them.i cant push the words out, they are all there stuck in my head i just cannot get them past my thoughts, its like i cant make anything verbal. its kinda of dumb cause i know once i start talking all will be okay its just that initial first step. I need to work on my self esteem so badly. I think its one of the big reasons i get stuck in a rut sometimes. I am no more flawed then the person next to me. so why should i worry. we are all humans.why should we feel less interesting then any other person? I'm kinda on a rant. I feel ashamed of myself for being timid, its not really who i am, but it come out sometimes.and i guess its who i am that day. As Marilyn Monroe put it "i just want to be wonderful."

peace of mind?

I need to find my peace of mind. I've been so out of sorts lately, I feel like I'm loosing myself to some kind of emptiness. I know that everyone is constantly changing but I think I maybe stuck... if thats possible? Or I'm just not noticing whats changed. My thoughts have been so out there.


while cleaning like crazy today i came across a lot of things that reminded me of old friends. People that I've drifted away from or that have drifted away from me. It makes me kinda of sad, because if i saw any of them today we probably wouldn't even say a word to each other. I'd probably just smile and wave and they would in return. I wish i knew who would be staying around and who wouldn't be. It would make life so much easier.

(12:06)
frozen pizza!