she smiles sweetly

if you were to ask me whats been on my mind today i would have to reply "i really miss my daddy"

i guess i am not allowed to have two great days in a row, at least not yet.

i should start following my guy feeling more often , i believe it would lead me to more happiness then what i can be swayed to do.
i wanted to stay home and do nothing at all today. At least that is what my gut wanted to do, but no i listen to whatever it was that told me to text and find something to do. That feeling lead me to inviting Aaron to go camera shopping with me and help Jen find something. Well from target to wolf camera and back to target she decided she would wait. Which is totally okay with me. saving money is not a bad thing in my book. so we headed back to my grandmas where i was faced with another decision
go to Zumba and work out then go to Adairs and sit there while everyone else is drinking
OR
go back to midlo and find something to do with Aaron

well of course my gut is telling me to just stay close to home and hang out with Aaron. Nope, i decided to go to Dallas and sweat in a workout class (which wasn't bad) then sit at a bar.

before i headed out to Dallas my mom called me and told me that one of my dads friends Doug had passed away in April. I wish i woulda know before. I could of at least done the respectable thing and went to his funeral. I would rather get to say the last goodbye then just never hear or talk to the person again. Its not like he was the greatest guy in the world. He was terrible with money, thought we owed him when we were broke , and was on drugs and drank to much. But he was part of my dads life and my dad just saw there was good somewhere in him. It just makes my heart hurt that i didn't know before today.
When we were at Adairs I was asked how my dad was doing. So i answered he passed away, and my face immediately got hot and i couldn't stop my eyes from watering and filling up with tears. But she didn't know. i hope she knows i wasn't mad at all. It just reminded me he is gone.

so im going to cuddle up with the sock monkey Elvis and sleep. I am follow ing my gut all day tomorrow.